15 weeks

Well I have made it another week. I am still morning sick. Still exhausted. And my back hurts.
Starting to get frustrated that I am not feeling closer to feeling any better. Depression definitely settled in slightly this week. BUT I'm going to make it through this. I have a fun summer planned, and I only have to send off one more thing for my college application. I can f***ing do this. I kind of forgot how bad I had it with my last pregnancy. I pretty much spent till 17ish weeks sleeping and resting and eating and doing occasional craft projects or reading to pass my time because I felt like crap. So yeah, this shouldn't have been a total shock that I am not doing so hot right now. In the grand scheme of things pregnancy is only 9 months and I freaking rock the newborn mommy stage. I just need to make it through about 5 more months. However, I am already making videos to myself so my hormonally high non pregnant self doesn't get any crazy ideas about having more kids anytime soon ;) we are talking a 5 year minimum between now and the next baby. Bradley will need that time to recover from all my hormonal outbursts anyway. But seriously 5 YEARS between this one and more babies. cause I need to finish school and do some stuff before I take on something like this again. Holy Cow. I admire all those people who really love pregnancy. I Really love my babies, and I am willing to do this for them, but man pregnancy is one of the hardest things I have been through physically and mentally and honestly I am still amazed I am even open to doing this again one day still. One day when both of my kids are in school and there is a chance that america will finally have some decent maternity leave policies.

Yesterday I asked one of my coworkers if she could cover for me for an hour or two so I could try and get rid of a headache. She called and told me she had been thinking about me today and would take my whole shift if I wanted. I started bawling. um yeah hormones are a trip. But seriously it was so nice. I am cutting my hours back after next week to only one day a week, which sucks cause less money for school, but at least I am trying to do what I can and continue working instead of quitting. I really didn't anticipate finding out I was pregnant a week after starting this job and I am proud of myself for not quitting when I am an emotional ball of hormones.

This weeks goals include, making it through the dang week without quitting my job due to being overwhelmed. Eating all the food. Not puking. starting yoga so my back gets better. toss in some self care in there if I get the chance. Survival.

I honestly know I should be more grateful, I am not totally bedridden, my baby is actually doing really well, and William has been a complete sweetheart. I am just getting worn down. Hopefully this next week will bring some much needed joy and a better perspective. Plus in about a month I get the 20 week ultrasound!!! Seeing the baby always helps me feel a whole lot better and more pregnant instead of just sick. So there is that to look forward to soon!


Ok one last thing, this whole week I have been craving bologna and pickle sandwiches and have eaten at least 6 of them! This would normally gross me out entirely but omg it is soooo good right now.